Hello friends and family,
A quick update before I put the kids to bed. Kelly has been sleeping about 20 hours a day. It is difficult for him to think and function. He is constantly thirsty and has no appetite. We are going to see the Oncologist tomorrow and he want us to begin chemo tomorrow. We would like to get to the bottom of the fatigue issue before we start chemo if that is possible.
Kelly's radiation ended in mid July so the fatigue at this point, after weeks of feeling well is concerning. We will keep you updated as soon as we can. Thanks again for all your encouragement and prayers. Love, Gabriela
p.s. Please include the kids in your prayers. Seeing their dad so debilitated over these last three weeks is taking it's toll. I keep reminding them and myself that God will not give us more then we can handle and we can count of that! But boy, I sure am tired... When I am weak, He is strong!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,
I am sending out a prayer request. In the last week and a half Kelly's stamina has plummeted. It has been so fast and so severe that we were sure the Leukemia was back. We went to the Oncologist on Wednesday and his blood counts were good. His blood smear was clear of cancer and his x-ray showed no difference in his lungs with regards to the Myucor. This information was a relief but we are baffled about what is going on right now. Kelly has lost his appetite and can barely stay awake. He is extremely fatigued.
We are wondering if this is an after effect to radiation treatment or if his body is fighting some other infection. The doctors have put him on an antibiotic but so far there has been no improvement, in fact, he seem to be even more tired. Today is Monday and he has been sleeping most of the day. We will call the Oncologist tomorrow as well as his general practitioner to see if we can get some answers.
It is baffling that he has been off of chemo for a month and a half and was functioning at about 75% and now he is at about 20%.
I have to say that thinking that the cancer was back was difficult for both of us. We were concerned but now we are just perplexed. ANYWAY... thank you for your prayers. Sincerely, Gabriela
I am sending out a prayer request. In the last week and a half Kelly's stamina has plummeted. It has been so fast and so severe that we were sure the Leukemia was back. We went to the Oncologist on Wednesday and his blood counts were good. His blood smear was clear of cancer and his x-ray showed no difference in his lungs with regards to the Myucor. This information was a relief but we are baffled about what is going on right now. Kelly has lost his appetite and can barely stay awake. He is extremely fatigued.
We are wondering if this is an after effect to radiation treatment or if his body is fighting some other infection. The doctors have put him on an antibiotic but so far there has been no improvement, in fact, he seem to be even more tired. Today is Monday and he has been sleeping most of the day. We will call the Oncologist tomorrow as well as his general practitioner to see if we can get some answers.
It is baffling that he has been off of chemo for a month and a half and was functioning at about 75% and now he is at about 20%.
I have to say that thinking that the cancer was back was difficult for both of us. We were concerned but now we are just perplexed. ANYWAY... thank you for your prayers. Sincerely, Gabriela
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Thanks for the responses...
Hello again,
I haven't spent a lot of time on the blog and have failed to check your responses. WOW, what a huge encouragement. Many of you share similar experiences with trying to make sense of your reality and what the Bible says is reality. It really helps to know that I am not alone or handling this incorrectly. I am encouraged to continue to seek Him and find greater intimacy.
Micah Foster, our Student Ministry Director sent me a link to a worship song that is really amazing [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4xsWldmqAo]. The story behind the song was what encouraged me to make it a point to worship. That's one thing I have seemed to stopped doing in this battle. I am determined to pull out my worship CDs and put aside my teaching CDs, and spend more time in worship. I love to sing and I don't anymore. I notice in Church Worship, I remain silent and worship in my heart - a good thing, but I need to allow the emotions of worship and it's truth wash over me. Why haven't I been doing this? It seems so odd that I would have forgotten it's importance. Thanks Micah...
I am still awaiting the State's review process to see if the Neumega injections will be approved. I haven't seen the doctor - I think I missed my appointment this week(?). I don't think he will want to start treatments even if my count is high enough because it will only drop after the first week or so and we will need to wait another 30 to 60 days before my system recovers. The good news is I am still in remission as far as we can tell. As Gabriela said, We will do our part and trust God to keep me strong. I am really not all too excited about the treatment and if I can't take it, I'm trust that God is giving me this window of endurance and strength for a good reason.
I am enjoying the ministry; training new leaders, counseling couples in crisis, and investing in my kids with great intentionality. My wife is delusionally in love with me...I'm a very bless man, even with Leukemia. Thank you for sharing your prayer requests with us. I am looking forward to following up with you as I pray.
2 Peter 1:5-11 (NASB)
5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble;for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.
His Blessings,
Kelly
I haven't spent a lot of time on the blog and have failed to check your responses. WOW, what a huge encouragement. Many of you share similar experiences with trying to make sense of your reality and what the Bible says is reality. It really helps to know that I am not alone or handling this incorrectly. I am encouraged to continue to seek Him and find greater intimacy.
Micah Foster, our Student Ministry Director sent me a link to a worship song that is really amazing [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4xsWldmqAo]. The story behind the song was what encouraged me to make it a point to worship. That's one thing I have seemed to stopped doing in this battle. I am determined to pull out my worship CDs and put aside my teaching CDs, and spend more time in worship. I love to sing and I don't anymore. I notice in Church Worship, I remain silent and worship in my heart - a good thing, but I need to allow the emotions of worship and it's truth wash over me. Why haven't I been doing this? It seems so odd that I would have forgotten it's importance. Thanks Micah...
I am still awaiting the State's review process to see if the Neumega injections will be approved. I haven't seen the doctor - I think I missed my appointment this week(?). I don't think he will want to start treatments even if my count is high enough because it will only drop after the first week or so and we will need to wait another 30 to 60 days before my system recovers. The good news is I am still in remission as far as we can tell. As Gabriela said, We will do our part and trust God to keep me strong. I am really not all too excited about the treatment and if I can't take it, I'm trust that God is giving me this window of endurance and strength for a good reason.
I am enjoying the ministry; training new leaders, counseling couples in crisis, and investing in my kids with great intentionality. My wife is delusionally in love with me...I'm a very bless man, even with Leukemia. Thank you for sharing your prayer requests with us. I am looking forward to following up with you as I pray.
2 Peter 1:5-11 (NASB)
5 Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble;for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be abundantly supplied to you.
His Blessings,
Kelly
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Dear Friends and Family,Thank you for your words of encouragement and prayers, they mean more then you can imagine. First let me say that we had a great time at Forest Home. Kelly was tired from the radiation but had a break from Chemo due to a low platelet count. This enabled him to participate in much of the events of the week. I could tell that the week away was good for all of our hearts. Our kids had fun and it was great to reconnect with old friends.When we returned home we celebrated our 13 year anniversary and Anneliese's 3rd birthday. Kelly made her a rice crispy treat cake since she is allergic to wheat and eggs. She loved her barbie cake! Kelly also decorated the office lunch room for us to have her party there with the church staff. It was magical. He is such an incredible Papa!
Upon our return Kelly went back to the oncologist and found out that his platelet count was still too low to continue treatment. The doctor had prescribed some shots that will help in the production of platelets but the insurance denied them. We appealed the denial and were denied again. These shots are very expensive and the insurance company normally doesn't approve them unless the platelet count is even lower then what Kelly's is. The problem is that we can not continue with treatment until the count is up. Kelly has spent hours on the phone talking to the insurance company and explained that we don't have another 45 day to wait for their appeal process, we are going on 5 weeks now without treatment.
We don't know what will happen but we know the One who does.I know that God is sovereign so my thought process goes like this, "Kelly's platelet count is out of our control, we are doing all we know to do to get things moving and are being obedient to what we feel the Lord is directing us in so, all we are responsible to do is walk with Him." When I lay the burden of Kelly's treatment and overall health on Jesus, my burden is lifted and we move on.
Right now Kelly has been working like a madman. (nothing new as those of you who know him well can attest to.) He is working long days, planning ministry, counseling people and investing in our family. I know I've said it before and I don't mean to sound corny but... I am married to an amazing man... how very blessed I am. Thank you Jesus!
We will keep you all updated as we know more. For now I would ask you to continue to pray that Kelly would hear God's voice as he follows Him daily and pray that IF it is God's will for Kelly to continue treatment then please make the way possible.Thank you dear friends and family, Love, Gabriela
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Looking to grow...
Hi Friends,
It's been a while since I've blogged about my process. We had such a long reprieve from doctors and treatment it almost felt like life was returning to some resemblance of "normal". It's been great to feel so good and pretty much back to living. With being cleared of the fungus threat we needed to return to the chemo treatment. I think Gabriela expressed the difficulty emotionally that decision was for us, but it seemed the best decision in light of the history of this cancer. So we have been back on the plan for two weeks and seeing the typical complications.
I really don't know what to write. I what to stay in touch with friends and really desire the prayer support that we felt so carried by during the critical periods of the fungus and operations. Because my health has been good, we have lost touch with many friends through the blog because we haven't consistently updated it. I trust the Lord with stir in people the need to pray as we enter this new chapter.
I would like to share a little of my mental and spiritual process. It seems difficult for me to stay "connected" spiritually and emotionally to my faith when feeling physically bad. I seem to get consumed with just enduring the situation. I feel lost to know how to pray and as I pray I feel very alone. I have been trying to understand this. It's not that I don't have faith or that I question God's love, presence, or faithfulness, but the really of these things feels detacted from my reality. So I am trying to mentally recite the truth I know and separate that from my reality. My reality doesn't determine reality. I think I have been living my faith based on how my reality aligns to what is true of God and allowing that to determine the quality or connectedness to God. I am sensing that I need to live outside my reality and accept the reality of God apart from my experience. Does this make any sense? I vaguely see that this adjustment is essential to "faith" in it's truest meaning. Believing God in spite of what I feel or am experiencing - whether it aligns with my experience. Some might call this "blind faith", but I am seeing it as a truer understanding of what it means to believe God based on His Word. Again, I vaguely am seeing my health issues as a means to develop an understanding of God and what it means to walk with God when life seems so contrary.
Something else that I am realizing at a deeper level is that God's presence is given through people. I want God to meet me, commune with me, speak to me, and when I don't sense that, I retreat to self flagellation and doubt. The reality is God speaks, encourages, and expresses Himself through people. Last week in the mist of feeling sick and alone, wrestling with accepting that this will be our life over the next year or so, two elders of our church called and wanted to meet me to pray. As I share my feeling and God's seeming distance, I realized that God was meeting my need - not in the way I preferred it- between Him and I so I could coup alone with life, but by heightening my lonilness and bringing these men to express his love in community. I'm the Community Life Pastor and want to be community for other, but don't see how vitally I need it. It's been and will be an on-going lesson for me.
I have pondered and rambled enough. I hope that I have given a window into where I'm at and how God is using all things in my life for good. We are planning a week's vacation to Forest Home Family Camp next week. There are three other families from Trinity Church that we will join from our small group community there. Our kids love the Johnson family and remain best friends with the distance. My prayer is that the Kids build lasting memories. Presently I am co-facilitating a group of twenty men through the "raising a modern day knight" curriculum that focuses on calling boys into manhood. I hope to gather the dad's in our fellowship to spend some time going through this material.
As always, thank you and keep praying. If you respond with a comment, tell me how our family can pray for you. It would sure help us feel like family with you.
His blessings,
Kelly
It's been a while since I've blogged about my process. We had such a long reprieve from doctors and treatment it almost felt like life was returning to some resemblance of "normal". It's been great to feel so good and pretty much back to living. With being cleared of the fungus threat we needed to return to the chemo treatment. I think Gabriela expressed the difficulty emotionally that decision was for us, but it seemed the best decision in light of the history of this cancer. So we have been back on the plan for two weeks and seeing the typical complications.
I really don't know what to write. I what to stay in touch with friends and really desire the prayer support that we felt so carried by during the critical periods of the fungus and operations. Because my health has been good, we have lost touch with many friends through the blog because we haven't consistently updated it. I trust the Lord with stir in people the need to pray as we enter this new chapter.
I would like to share a little of my mental and spiritual process. It seems difficult for me to stay "connected" spiritually and emotionally to my faith when feeling physically bad. I seem to get consumed with just enduring the situation. I feel lost to know how to pray and as I pray I feel very alone. I have been trying to understand this. It's not that I don't have faith or that I question God's love, presence, or faithfulness, but the really of these things feels detacted from my reality. So I am trying to mentally recite the truth I know and separate that from my reality. My reality doesn't determine reality. I think I have been living my faith based on how my reality aligns to what is true of God and allowing that to determine the quality or connectedness to God. I am sensing that I need to live outside my reality and accept the reality of God apart from my experience. Does this make any sense? I vaguely see that this adjustment is essential to "faith" in it's truest meaning. Believing God in spite of what I feel or am experiencing - whether it aligns with my experience. Some might call this "blind faith", but I am seeing it as a truer understanding of what it means to believe God based on His Word. Again, I vaguely am seeing my health issues as a means to develop an understanding of God and what it means to walk with God when life seems so contrary.
Something else that I am realizing at a deeper level is that God's presence is given through people. I want God to meet me, commune with me, speak to me, and when I don't sense that, I retreat to self flagellation and doubt. The reality is God speaks, encourages, and expresses Himself through people. Last week in the mist of feeling sick and alone, wrestling with accepting that this will be our life over the next year or so, two elders of our church called and wanted to meet me to pray. As I share my feeling and God's seeming distance, I realized that God was meeting my need - not in the way I preferred it- between Him and I so I could coup alone with life, but by heightening my lonilness and bringing these men to express his love in community. I'm the Community Life Pastor and want to be community for other, but don't see how vitally I need it. It's been and will be an on-going lesson for me.
I have pondered and rambled enough. I hope that I have given a window into where I'm at and how God is using all things in my life for good. We are planning a week's vacation to Forest Home Family Camp next week. There are three other families from Trinity Church that we will join from our small group community there. Our kids love the Johnson family and remain best friends with the distance. My prayer is that the Kids build lasting memories. Presently I am co-facilitating a group of twenty men through the "raising a modern day knight" curriculum that focuses on calling boys into manhood. I hope to gather the dad's in our fellowship to spend some time going through this material.
As always, thank you and keep praying. If you respond with a comment, tell me how our family can pray for you. It would sure help us feel like family with you.
His blessings,
Kelly
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Hello friends,
Kelly is doing well. He seems to be handling the treatment okay. He is obviously tired and feels yucky (my word, not his description) a lot of the time. He has told me that it is his goal to not get grumpy as he struggles feeling sick.
He has had his first complication already. (this has been a discouragement for us both) After his spinal injection of chemo this last Friday, he developed a headache that floored him. He spent about four and a half days in bed because being upright worsened the headache. The headache was due to some spinal fluid leaking out into the injection site and when the spinal fluid is off, even a tiny bit, headaches occur.
We made two trips to the E.R. this week. The first trip Kelly was treated with an IV bag of caffeine. We asked the attending doctor how that works and he said, "no one really knows" Well, it did work and then Kelly was wired on caffeine so he started to walk home from the hospital rather then wait for me to come get him. Mind you, it is June, in Fresno, hot, smoked filled air and he has just left the E.R.. Can you say, crazy, caffeine driven man? When I picked him up he was more than half way home.
Well, the caffeine worked for several hours but the headache came back that evening. We went back to the E.R. and were sent home after no anesthesiologists were available. So... we went back this morning to the out-patient area and Kelly was treated with a blood patch and released after several hours. He came home, rested, ate, got dressed and off he went to get his radiation treatment, do a hospital visit and to work!
I don't know weather to strangle him or just appreciate and admire him all the more. He is an amazing man and I am such a blessed woman.
Thank you for your prayers sounds redundant but believe me that knowing you all are praying is one of the most comforting things to us right now. We feel Jesus loving us as He moves in the hearts of His people to pray for us. So, we are truly thankful.
Sincerely, Gabriela
Kelly is doing well. He seems to be handling the treatment okay. He is obviously tired and feels yucky (my word, not his description) a lot of the time. He has told me that it is his goal to not get grumpy as he struggles feeling sick.
He has had his first complication already. (this has been a discouragement for us both) After his spinal injection of chemo this last Friday, he developed a headache that floored him. He spent about four and a half days in bed because being upright worsened the headache. The headache was due to some spinal fluid leaking out into the injection site and when the spinal fluid is off, even a tiny bit, headaches occur.
We made two trips to the E.R. this week. The first trip Kelly was treated with an IV bag of caffeine. We asked the attending doctor how that works and he said, "no one really knows" Well, it did work and then Kelly was wired on caffeine so he started to walk home from the hospital rather then wait for me to come get him. Mind you, it is June, in Fresno, hot, smoked filled air and he has just left the E.R.. Can you say, crazy, caffeine driven man? When I picked him up he was more than half way home.
Well, the caffeine worked for several hours but the headache came back that evening. We went back to the E.R. and were sent home after no anesthesiologists were available. So... we went back this morning to the out-patient area and Kelly was treated with a blood patch and released after several hours. He came home, rested, ate, got dressed and off he went to get his radiation treatment, do a hospital visit and to work!
I don't know weather to strangle him or just appreciate and admire him all the more. He is an amazing man and I am such a blessed woman.
Thank you for your prayers sounds redundant but believe me that knowing you all are praying is one of the most comforting things to us right now. We feel Jesus loving us as He moves in the hearts of His people to pray for us. So, we are truly thankful.
Sincerely, Gabriela
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Here we go again...
Dear friends and family,
It is hard to begin this blog because there is so much to say and it is hard to know where to start. Kelly begins chemo treatments tomorrow. Actually he took his first chemo pill tonight and begins radiation and spinal chemo tomorrow.
You might be wondering how we got here. This is the long part of the story but a Readers Digest version is that after learning more about this disease, collecting wise counsel from many and with much prayer, here we are. Kelly feels strongly that the words of healing we received from Violet Huckelberry (see blog from Nov. 3,2007)were about the fungus. His treatment of the fungus ended 9 months short of what the specialist said it would and that fell in line with the 6 month time frame that Violet had shared with us as a word from the Lord. We truly feel that God has spared Kelly's life and now understand that the fungus should have killed him. Thank you Jesus!
As Kelly has sought the Lord in this, the Lord has been very quiet. I am amazed at my husband's courage, integrity, wisdom and faithfulness to the Lord. I personally am at rest following his leadership and consider it as such an honor to be married to such an amazing man!
Kelly's regiment will be very tough for a while and will last one and a half years. He begins with radiation every day for 12 days while taking oral chemo every day for 40 days and spinal chemo treatments every Friday for 9 weeks. It sounds daunting to us and we have no idea what to expect, except that Jesus will be with us every step of the way. Oh, how I love His presence!
I have to share with you all that as I struggled in coming to this point I told the Lord that I love Kelly's body, it's mine, I am one with him and although chemo felt like medicine this first time around, this time it feels like poison. As I poured my heart out to Him, He lead me to Mark 16. I vicariously opened up to this passage and my eyes caught the red lettered words of Jesus. He was speaking of things that are true of believers and in His list it says, "and you will drink poison and it will not harm you..."
Now, I told Kelly that I certainly don't want to make scripture say what I want it to say but, what are the chances that I would open up to something like that at this point in my life? All I can tell you is that it wasn't emotionally satisfying but my heart was filled with His peace. God's word is alive and active. What an amazing blessing to have it.
"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
We are certainly not looking forward to this next season and the hardship it will be for our family as well as our church family and the ministry, but we know our Redeemer lives and that He will faithfully walk with us. All glory and praise to Him!
Please pray for our kids. You might remember that last year we were not able to go to our Family Camp vacation at Forest Home, which has been our tradition. This was very hard on the kids because they were looking forward to seeing old friends that they desperately missed. I am not sure what will happen this year. So, please pray that we can go and if we are not to go, pray that their little hearts will be prepared.
I covet your prayer for our family, we love and appreciate you more than you will ever know.
Love in Christ, Gabriela
It is hard to begin this blog because there is so much to say and it is hard to know where to start. Kelly begins chemo treatments tomorrow. Actually he took his first chemo pill tonight and begins radiation and spinal chemo tomorrow.
You might be wondering how we got here. This is the long part of the story but a Readers Digest version is that after learning more about this disease, collecting wise counsel from many and with much prayer, here we are. Kelly feels strongly that the words of healing we received from Violet Huckelberry (see blog from Nov. 3,2007)were about the fungus. His treatment of the fungus ended 9 months short of what the specialist said it would and that fell in line with the 6 month time frame that Violet had shared with us as a word from the Lord. We truly feel that God has spared Kelly's life and now understand that the fungus should have killed him. Thank you Jesus!
As Kelly has sought the Lord in this, the Lord has been very quiet. I am amazed at my husband's courage, integrity, wisdom and faithfulness to the Lord. I personally am at rest following his leadership and consider it as such an honor to be married to such an amazing man!
Kelly's regiment will be very tough for a while and will last one and a half years. He begins with radiation every day for 12 days while taking oral chemo every day for 40 days and spinal chemo treatments every Friday for 9 weeks. It sounds daunting to us and we have no idea what to expect, except that Jesus will be with us every step of the way. Oh, how I love His presence!
I have to share with you all that as I struggled in coming to this point I told the Lord that I love Kelly's body, it's mine, I am one with him and although chemo felt like medicine this first time around, this time it feels like poison. As I poured my heart out to Him, He lead me to Mark 16. I vicariously opened up to this passage and my eyes caught the red lettered words of Jesus. He was speaking of things that are true of believers and in His list it says, "and you will drink poison and it will not harm you..."
Now, I told Kelly that I certainly don't want to make scripture say what I want it to say but, what are the chances that I would open up to something like that at this point in my life? All I can tell you is that it wasn't emotionally satisfying but my heart was filled with His peace. God's word is alive and active. What an amazing blessing to have it.
"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
We are certainly not looking forward to this next season and the hardship it will be for our family as well as our church family and the ministry, but we know our Redeemer lives and that He will faithfully walk with us. All glory and praise to Him!
Please pray for our kids. You might remember that last year we were not able to go to our Family Camp vacation at Forest Home, which has been our tradition. This was very hard on the kids because they were looking forward to seeing old friends that they desperately missed. I am not sure what will happen this year. So, please pray that we can go and if we are not to go, pray that their little hearts will be prepared.
I covet your prayer for our family, we love and appreciate you more than you will ever know.
Love in Christ, Gabriela
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